Send your questions to Terrance: email@example.com
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have a question for you. So, I met this guy and at first I was going to him to get a personal training, but we had this weird connection. He then started inviting me to church functions, activities that him and his friends do on the weekends, and other events. He wanted to know about me and also suggested meeting my parents. I guess I am trying to see if he likes me. He has even decided to invite himself to movie night at our house. The problem is all of these functions are in groups and we have never had one-on-one interaction. He singles me out when we are in the group, and I guess I was thinking this is how Christians date. He calls and texts, but nothing is official. I am not going to express to him that I like him because I think that is not what a woman should do. I stopped training with him because I felt it was a conflict of interest and I do not want to sleep with him and then he hits the road. I am not sure if he likes me like that or what? What is it that I need to do? I feel like I have worked on myself. I work at a really good job, I graduate in May, and I am emotionally and physically ready. – Does He Like Me
Dear Ms. Does He Like Me,
Uhm you can sit up there a play Ms. My-Name-Is-Polly-And-I’m-Innocent-And-Shy all you want, but like you said, you are emotionally and physically ready. And, chile, a closed mouth don’t get fed.
It’s obvious that the man likes you. He is getting to know you. Do you people not understand what courting is? Geesh! It’s when you and a man, or whomever you’re considering seeing, spends time getting to know one another. You do different things, such as the ones he is doing with you – inviting you to different events, activities, church functions, and to hang out with his friends. Girl, the man wants you to meet his friends, and he wants to meet your parents. DING! DING! DING! Are you that clueless? And, do you not understand courting sometimes consists of doing things in a group setting. It’s the perfect opportunity to see how you are around other people, and there is no pressure. When you’re out on a one-on-one date there is underlying pressure to be on your best behavior. There is the interviewing and asking a thousand questions. Your fake ass laughing at their jokes, and acting like you’re interested in a conversation when you clearly are not thinking about them. Courting is taking the time to be around each other and filling one another out.
All you folks think about is when are they going to invite you over so you can get in the bed with them. Talking about, “I’m horny. I’m ready to be in a relationship, and I need a man today!” You better slow your damn role and pump your brakes. Please, oh please, take the time to get to know someone.
Look here, Ms. Does He Like Me, I’m not going to spend too much time with you. Clearly you don’t know when a good man who is taking the time to get to know you, probably respects you, and is sitting right in your backyard sifting through your weed infested garden. I’m going to say it again, THE MAN LIKES YOU AND IS TAKING HIS TIME TO GET TO KNOW YOU! And, Chile, your nappy-headed self have stopped training with the man because you think it’s a conflict of interest. What conflict is there? You know how many men would love to work out with their woman? Especially if he is feeling her, and they are getting their work-out on, spending time together, and enjoying each other’s company. Girl, you clearly need a lesson on dating and the etiquettes of courting. I understand it may not be what you are normally used to. You probably date or attract those knuckleheads who don’t know how to appreciate a woman, and they use you, abuse you, and then after sexing you they hit the road. Well, I got that has been something that has happened to you previously because you stated it in your letter. You obviously put that out there for a reason. Honey, you can’t get one over on me. I can see clearly through the writing. I suggest you call the man, ask him to sit with you over coffee or tea, and explain to him how your previous experiences have been, and how you’re afraid of being hurt. Explain to him this experience is new to you, and if he is patient with you, as you will be with him, then hopefully the two of you can date and see where it goes. And, you know what, Darling, I have a few chapters on that in my book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND. The chapters are called, Date: It’s That Thing You Do Before Sex; and Be Open To Love When It Shows Up: A Closed Heart Doesn’t Receive Joy. Don’t be afraid to have new experiences in your life. You’re obviously moving in the right direction by graduating in May, and working a good job, as well as being emotionally and physically ready. Don’t let your past experiences of heartache and bad boyfriends prevent you from seeing a good man standing right in front of you. Open your eyes, open your heart, and let love in. And, one last thing, DIVA, if you keep pushing good men away, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for blocking your blessings. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!