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Like most people, when I heard the story of Usher’s son nearly drowning in a swimming pool my heart immediately ached.  But I don’t think anyone one can relate more to such a tragedy than a parent imagining his or her child in the same situation.

My heart also ached for Usher and Tameka.  It had to be devastating for Usher to get that horrible phone call from the person caring for little Usher V..  I can also empathize with Tameka finding out her baby had met with such danger at home, the place where he was supposed to feel safest.

Accidents happen, no doubt, and no parent – custodial or otherwise can be with a child 24 hours a day.  You can institute every precaution in the world and still you can never insure against an accident happening.

Tameka has been unfairly ridiculed and even joked about for taking immediate steps to regain emergency custody of Usher V, who thankfully is said to be doing well after a few days stay in ICU.

I don’t know Tameka personally but as a divorced mom in an entirely different situation, I still stand with her for having the instinct to want to protect her children.

What mother wouldn’t?

Here’s an open later to her and any mom battling the system for the right to raise her children.

Dear Tameka,

From the moment our newborn babies are placed in our arms we recognize our God-given role—to love, nurture and protect them at all costs.

We can’t foresee the inevitable challenges we will face … sickness, injuries, accidents, and sometimes even death.

My heart goes out to you, first for the loss of your eldest son Kile and now another near tragedy.

No parent is perfect but for some reason, because your problems have been played out in the media, you have been relegated to being the face of the bitter ex-wife who doesn’t deserve to raise her own sons.

Since primary custody has been given to your ex-husband, I know you dearly miss your boys.  I have two sons of my own and every day they do at least one thing that amazes me.  But, even when they aren’t being particularly amazing I learn from them to be a better mom, a better woman and a better human being.

All I can say to you is to cherish every moment you do have with Naviyd and Usher V. The ideal home and life you dreamed of with your husband and children may never materialize but God gives us all the ability to press forward and find joy in spite of our situations.

I understand completely why you question Usher for fighting for custody while leaving them in the care of someone other than you for substantial amounts of time.  But consider this, if you were the primary parent trying to maintain a career as so many of us do, you would be expected to find the best people you could to care for the boys while you were gone.  I can only assume that Usher did just that.

Yet, I’m not sure I would have reacted any differently than you in that situation.

My hope for you is at some point, you will be able to prove to the courts and Usher that you want and deserve to have more time with your boys.

If there are things in your life that need to be corrected, I encourage you to work them out.   Sometimes a small change can yield huge results – and nothing could be bigger or better than being the best co-parent(s) we can be for our children.

Blessings to you and your beautiful boys!


Mother to Mother: An Open Letter to Tameka Foster  was originally published on